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No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this
document. Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it. Return for
refund where applicable. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted
diets. Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them. Proud sponsor
of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. May cause
irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use. Contents under
pressure. BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused
some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and
brutally murder hundreds of innocent people. Shake well before using. No
vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with
other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Avoid prolonged
exposure to ultraviolet light. The truth is out there. Use no hooks. Not
intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five. Printed on
unrecycled endangered dead trees and we're proud of
it.
Conditions Of Use:
This document may not be duplicated in any manner without
the express permission of the publisher, including but not exclusive to
photocopying, lithography, facsimile, calligraphy, hand-written reproductions,
impressing into wax tablets, writing in Nile mud, carolingian miniature script,
translation into haiku, uncial illuminated manuscripts, rendering as verse
in iambic pentameter, bellowing by an overweight Prussian ferret rancher
through a distorted megaphone in the town square of a small but populous
market village in central Europe, graffiti, bawdy sea chanties, engraving
on the head of a pin, microfilming for discrete infiltration into an unnamed
but potentially volatile guerrilla camp high in the mountains of Tibet, carving
into the trunk of a redwood, tattooing across the broad, muscular buttocks
of a professional female nude grape jelly wrestler, branding onto the side
of a yak with a laser, scrawling in ball point pen on the back of a sleeping
brother-in-law, skywriting, snow sculpting, painting in oils, sketching in
partially coagulated goat's blood on the forehead of a liberal politician
running for re-election on a platform of prosperity through higher taxation
of anything impertinent enough to move or uploading to
God.
Support:
We cannot provide technical support in languages other than
English. That's contemporary English, by the way, rather than, say, Chaucerian
English. Neither jive nor val-speak constitute English for the purposes of
this discussion. Inserting the word "blimey" into another language at regular
intervals doesn't qualify as English either. Finally, we will hang
up on, shred or delete requests for technical support from users who are
rude or abusive.
Please be certain you understand and are able to comply with these terms before you proceed.